"Without accountability there is no motivation for change."
I spoke with the elders and deacons and a few other groups about the subject of accountability. This has ensued many conversations and questions amongst friends such as “do you have an accountability partner?” or “are you accountable?” I have seen the faces of people challenged by the notion and those that are just simply perplexed.
I would like to clarify a few things.
First, I think we miss the whole point of accountability when we make it about the desire to stop sinning – or, more specifically, to stop A sin. Based on the quote above, the first question I would ask is “Why do I want to change?” The answer is simple: I want to change because I know that, in order to grow, I must change.
Growth never happens without change. Plants change as they grow. Children change as they grow. The list goes on and on.
The issue is less about accountability and more about growth.
I know that growth happens in my life when I START doing certain things and STOP doing others. If there is a reoccurring sin issue in my life, I want to stop doing it because I want to grow closer to God – and I know that sin separates me from Him. Sometimes I know there are things I need to start doing (ie. Systematic scripture reading, spending more time with my family, mentoring an at-risk kid in the community) that I do not have the motivation to do on my own. To NOT do those things does not necessarily constitute a sin; but to do them would be a growth step. So, I have someone help me grow by starting something new.
God desires us to grow. When Jesus told the parable of the talents, he rebuked the one who had done nothing with what he was given. I desire accountability in my life because I know that it will lead to changes that will cause me to grow. I choose to have people in place in my life who can bring that accountability because I know that I do not have enough motivation to change on my own.
Accountability is not present in your life based on whether or not you have a meeting. Accountability is a way of life that exists in those who have a desire to grow. Here are some more questions to consider.
• Do I pray with my spouse everyday?
• Do we take the time (at least a few times a week) to really pray over specific things that are causing us anxiety or frustration? Do we ask God to give us a solution?
• In my friendships, do I talk honestly and openly about my marriage, my frustrations at work, challenges in parenting, etc. – or do my conversations only center around things like hobbies and sports?
• Do I have one or two areas of sin that have continued to be reoccurring stumbling blocks for me through the years?
• When I look back over the last year, can I think of one or two specific things that I have STOPPED doing or STARTED doing that have lead to personal growth?
If these questions have caused you to really evaluate how transparent you are with your spouse and others, then you might be looking for some solutions. Here are a few thoughts:
• Start making prayer – specific prayer – a priority in your marriage.
• Begin asking friends more specific questions about their home life and career. Ask them about their frustrations, their challenges, and ask them how you can pray. If that seems awkward, let them know that you desire to have deeper, more meaningful conversations and that you desire to be asked the same questions.
• Ask God to reveal areas of reoccurring sin in your of which you might not be immediately aware. Begin to daily ask for forgiveness and for ways to walk in freedom in that area. Tell someone else about it and ask them for prayer.
• Ask God to reveal to you how you might begin STARTING something new that would challenge you. Here are some examples:
o Giving a greater percentage of your income away
o Finding an at-risk child in the community to mentor
o Planning a fun family activity at least once a month
o Taking your wife out on a date once a week
o Asking someone to mentor you (spiritually, occupationally, physically)
o Asking someone you respect what is one of the best books they have read – buy it and read it
o Starting a Bible reading plan that will take you through passages of Scripture you have rarely explored
The list could literally go on and on. The point is: we must grow. Where we don’t have the motivation to grow, we need others there to help us. That’s the essence of accountability.
